how to live again after loss: 5 truths i wish someone had told me

Finding stillness in the storm - one step at a time towards a new future. You owe it to yourself.

When my husband was murdered just days after our daughter was born, no one handed me a guide on how to grieve - or how to keep living. And even if I would have had the guide I would have figured out that grief doesn’t stick to the rules. That it’s the most egocentric - and liberating- journey - I would ever go and.

What followed was messy, confusing, deeply painful. but over time, and with many missteps, I learned.
Not just to survive, but to rise.

Here are 5 truths that changed everything.

1. You are not what you feel
I felt broken. for a long time. But I wasn’t broken, I felt broken. That’s not the same thing! Grief blurred the line between who I was and what I felt. Now I know: emotions are messengers - not identity. They don’t define you, they invite you to pause, to heal and to choose differently.
You are not your sadness. Or your guilt. Or your rage.
You are still you - underneath it all.

2. It’s a wild, messy, personal journey back to yourself.
People will have timelines, opinions, advice. But there is no "right way", there is only your way - so ignore them! Grieve at your pace, this is your story. Grief isn’t linear. it’s wild and personal and sometimes beautiful in its honesty.
You don’t need permission to do it your way.
You just need the courage to listen to yourself.
And it’s yours to explore, so enjoy the ride!

And if you’re still with me — read this next one twice.

3. Feel it. All of it.
The pain you avoid doesn’t just disappear, it waits. in your body, in your breath and in your future.
I know the instinct to stay busy and to stay numb, but if you keep running from the pain, you’ll end up running for years.
Pain demands presence, not perfection.
Let it move through you. Let it crack you open.
That’s how the light - and life - gets back in.

4. Grief strips away the noise.
When everything else falls away, you see what matters. Not approval from others, not the successes you’ve mastered, no - just pure love remains. The people you still have. The moments you’re still allowed to make.
Love is the anchor. The essence of life. always.
And your choices will reflect that - if you let them.

5. Follow the joy
You’re allowed to smile again. To want more. To feel alive. To love again.
Joy is not betrayal. It’s honoring life.
The one you lost? They’d never want you to be stuck and frozen in sorrow. So go where the joy leads and do what lights you up. Dance with it and scream it from the rooftops!
This is your life and it is yours to lead.

You don’t owe anyone your survival story.
but you do owe yourself the chance to live it fully.

This is your grief. Your life. Your call. And you are more powerful than you ever thought possible.
Not in spite of what happened. But because you chose to rise through it.

Grief cracked you open. Let that be the beginning.
Not just of survival, but of your most honest, powerful life.

YOU GOT THIS!
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